”… but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
    they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

I am writing this as I wrestle with the pain of having lost a younger cousin.  Ivan was found alone in his home – probably without life or breath for at least two weeks.  His heart gave out and he was called to be with the cloud of witnesses that has built and sustained the indefatigable spirit that shapes my soul.  His was a story of human complexity – raised in Spanish Harlem – defying the odds – he broke free to attend Fordham to become an architect.  His love of family, especially his mom, defined his heart.  Ivan’s faith would allow him to mount up with wings like an eagle.  His ending does not define his life nor his spirit.  I lived with Ivan and his family in Harlem for a season.  My memories are swirling as I remember snapshots of laughter and joy.  Against the backdrop of what many would have seen as poverty (the windows would freeze up in the winter), the aromas of my aunt’s cooking and the loud banter of my 3 cousins is what I remember most.

Ivan did not die from COVID – but the pandemic added to the isolation of our time – no physical presence with family and friends for a year. Friends, we were not created to be alone; it is exhausting for the healthiest among us.  It is more-than-exhausting for those who struggle with physical or emotional challenges.  The direct and indirect fall-out from this pandemic will continue to cause a deep chasm in the soul of many, as saying goodbye or offering support during illness – with rituals and embraces – have been compromised.  I was not going to write anything for this Friday – but I know that my story is like a mirror of the story of so many others.  Even as hope begins to break into this season with vaccinations on the horizon, many of us are living with the death of loved ones, of illness, of isolation, of navigating home-schooling and work.  There will be no escaping the marks of this season.

But not all the marks of this season are scars of pain.  One of the lasting marks of this season is the resilience our faith offers us. It is not a resilience that makes it all easy, but it makes it possible. It is a resilience more like a well of living water within us that allows us to continue to rise on wings like eagles.  Isaiah is one of my very favorite verses of encouragement in the Biblical narrative.  It has faithfully provided me with a spiritual image that works for my heart, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”  

There is so much to process.  Tomorrow we lay my cousin to rest.  We will virtually come together across multiple states from west to east coasts.  It will not be what we would have hoped for – we are yearning to cry in one another’s arms.  We are yearning to tell stories that will make us laugh from the depth of our belles.  But it will be a gift and celebration of life.

I am grateful for the gift of each of you that allows me to write these words today. I am mindful I am not alone on this journey.  In that spirit, I leave you with a beautiful poem my colleague wrote about the pandemic.  It ministered to my soul – I trust it will do the same for you…  God bless and keep you as this journey continues.  May your strength be renewed. May your faith provide you with a depth of resilience that allows you to rise up with wings like eagles.

Don’t Carry It All: A Poem for Anxious and Wearied Ones
By the Rev. Greg Klimovitz

overwhelmed
by the thought of it all
and our call
unclear
so we fear
and we stall
to do anything
pondering everything
as if the world depended upon one

it does not
do hear
as a whisper
so clear
right here
you cannot carry it all
that was never your call
to you
or anyone other

find one thing
that makes your heart sing
by the love you bring
where you are
right here
in the now
is how you will find
you at your best
and your mind at rest
from trying to overcome it all
that was never your call